Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Mistakes are Consistent... That's the Goal, Right?

For as long as I can remember, admit it or not, I am a perfectionist. And as much as I try to be perfect - I still manage to make mistakes. The one thing that is guaranteed when I make a recognizable mistake is that I will dwell on it and beat myself up far longer than the mistake is actually recognized by anyone else. My mistakes haunt me.

Something else about me that has been ever so constant is my mouth. I always have something to say, and it is not always the 'right' thing to say - and to make matters worse I may know this and I still say it - even when it is not my place - GASP! I know...

Well this time it was not my mouth per say, but more of my fingers tap, tap, tapping on my keyboard... Similar to right now. The only difference is here, you are choosing to read it. It took me all of 15 seconds to type my statement that I felt to be fully and entirely justified, "You are a sorry individual." I had actually forgotten that I sent this message to someone - at work no less - until my boss brought it up today. "Annie, the VPGM (<-- Ahem, Very important person) informed me of your e-mail that you sent to said individual. You need to watch what you send over e-mail." Yikes. No more than that and in my mind I have just received a one way ticket to the unemployment office because surely they fire people for saying such things? I have in a single statement managed to seal my own fate with the 15 seconds tap, tap, tapping of the keyboard. How will I ever tell my husband that our entire livelihood has fallen onto his shoulders because his wife cannot keep her editorial comments to herself??

I felt like a young child being scolded for fighting with a sibling. The kicker - companies do not have an obligation to tolerate my BS. Siblings and parents do.

After pestering my boss - touching on my impending termination - then back to layoffs (which are surely more important to deal with at the present time rather than my inability to control myself) - I think I am convinced that my one statement is not actually a terminable offense, just one that required notation by my boss.

I decided that what I said may have been a little off base - and unnecessary. Well, a lot off base, but I'm admitting it, aren't I? Consequently, I apologized to the individual to whom I said such nasty words.

I have managed to learn a few lessons from this... 1) I should probably mind my own business sometimes 2) I do not always have to say what I am thinking EXACTLY how I am thinking it... Tact can help both myself and the other person 3) Send e-mails cautiously - especially while at work from work e-mail. You never know when they may resurface to bite you square in the arse.

1 comment:

  1. Annie I am the same way - and I know it's impossible not to worry about it when people say "don't worry about it!". Nothing makes you feel dumber than getting reprimanded at work. All I have to say is if you wrote that...though it wasn't right to write it at work...the person probably deserved it!