Being pregnant is interesting. I am a person that enjoys planning and I enjoy knowing what is going on. Knowledge is power... Lucky for me, once you are finally pregnant, there are websites, books, endless opinions of strangers and doctors to tell you what to eat, drink, when, how much, how long and every other detail in between. I know to avoid unpasteurized dairy products, what exercises I am not allowed to do and I even know, thanks to all of these resources, how much weight to gain based upon my pre-pregnancy weight. I mean these experts, or shall I say people, have it all figured out. A few things they have failed to mention (that's not entirely true, some make mention of these things...) is: Do I stay home or do I keep working? Will my kid turn out ok if it goes to daycare? Will I turn ok if my kid goes to daycare? If I were to take a hiatus from work, what will happen to my career? If we are having more than one kid, will I ever have a career again? Do I care about my career? I should have spoke outwardly about all of this before now, but I was afraid someone would see it. God forbid my boss scroll across this blog and know that her pregnant employee now had questions about life and work and how to make it work with babies...
Before I was pregnant, I kind of thought I had it all figured out. When I was younger, I thought for sure and without any shadow of a doubt, I was going to be a stay at home mom. When I did not have kids on my initially planned 'schedule', I had at that time started working. Working... I liked what I did and by golly there's nothing wrong with a kid that goes to daycare! After all, I was making a difference, I was valued at work, and I enjoy adult interaction. Far be it for me to give up my career just to have a family. I could have it all. A great career, fabulous husband, cute kids, etc. I would give up nothing in the quest for the perfect balance.
Fast forward 6-8 years... I went through a lay off last year and maybe stay at home parenting is not such a bad thing. I did, myself, have parents who stayed at home with me. My husbands mother stayed at home with him. My husband's parents are school teachers and they can tell who has had a stay at home parent and who has been to daycare. And my dads opinion, who rarely has an opinion, if you can stay home, you should.
One of the first big parenting decisions to make, and I feel ill equipped to make it. How am I supposed to take care of this kid if I cannot even identify the best place for him on a day to day basis? I guess my one 'thankful' moment in all of this confusion is that my husband supports either decision. And while before now, daycare was kind of like a dirty little word to him, he has come around to say, "whatever you decide is what we'll do". To him I say, "thanks, no pressure..."
Thanks for stopping by and come back next Friday to read more on this journey. Trust me, it's better than that Mediterranean cruise you've been dreaming of!
Well, my two cents worth from a mom who's done all the permutations: work fulltime/fulltime daycare; work parttime/parttime daycare; SAHM/no daycare. While my kids thrived in all three environments, I think they preferred the no daycare scenario best.
ReplyDeleteThey knew they were the primary focus of both my husband's and mine's attention, no matter where they were.
In the end, since I think your child will blossom wherever, perhaps you should do what's best for you and your husband. Would you be a more relaxed mom if you were home, or at work? Would your family benefit more from the double income or could you make it on only one. Also, who says you have to be the one to stay home? Perhaps take a leave of absence while the baby is new, and then let Hubby be a SAHD.
But of course, in the end, it's is your's and your husband's decision. No.one.elses. Best of luck in your decision making process.
Suzy
Very interesting post. What I've heard people say about this is that you really won't know until the baby gets here. Somehow that it's something you can't plan, because you won't know how you feel (I know this sort of thing is anathema to planners like you and me, but I'm willing to entertain the theory.) Just know that you'll make the right decision when the time comes, and believe in yourself.
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